Do your children know:
How to honor their feelings--if someone makes them feel uncomfortable that's an important signal;
You (the parents) are strong enough to hear about any experience they've had; It's OK to rebuff and defy adults; It's OK to be assertive; How to ask for help;
How to choose who to ask; How to describe their peril;
It's OK to strike, even to injure, someone if the children believe that they are in danger, and that you'll support any action they take as a result of feeling afraid; It's OK to make noise, to scream, yell, run;
If someone tries to force them to go somewhere, what they scream should include, "This is not my father";
If someone says "Don't yell," then yell (and if someone says "Don't tell," tell); To fully resist going out of public view with someone they don't know, and to resist going anywhere with someone who tries to persuade them. When the time comes for the "changing of the guard," a common concern of parents
is how to teach our children about risk without causing too much fear. De Becker suggests that we think of fear as being like an antibiotic--great when you need it, but not for everyday use. Having kids afraid (of all strangers, for example) doesn't usually serve safety. Two likely results of attaching a dreadful outcome to an instruction in order to emphasize it's importance ("Come right home, you
don't want to get kidnapped," etc.) are: 1) It will work, and the child will end up being afraid and mistrusting of people, i.e., experiencing some of the very damage we mean to protect them from; 2) It won't work, and parent loses
credibility.
Neither children who are never afraid nor children who are always afraid will get the benefit of fear--their most powerful resource in an emergency. We protect this resource by showing them that nothing is so terrible it can't be
discussed calmly and explicitly. Kids who are capable enough to be out on their own are mature enough to learn about the world from their parents.

De Becker believes that how and when children learn is as important as what they learn. Too much information too soon can heighten a child's fear of the unknown
and prevent her from developing a sense of security in self and her world. "The TV news profits from destroying people's sense of security. True, all you see on it happens, but if you don't want kids thinking it's likely to happen to them,the local news needs to be R rated."
All of us will have to experience calamities in our own lives; that's unavoidable. In the satellite age, however,we experiencethe calamities in everyone's lives--and that is avoidable. Constant depiction of a dangerous world leads children (and adults) to believe they are not competent to meet the challenges of life, and that belief can permeate the entire experience of life.
Most predators are interested in children (and adults) who will cooperate because they are afraid.
Children Away from Home Given how long it takes to raise a child, few humans at any time in history did it alone. Mostly, help came from extended family and community. While
recognizing that seeking help in raising children is "the most natural thing in the world," and many parents today have legitimate needs to seek help with raising their children, de Becker discourages parents from doing the most
unnatural thing in the world--leaving their children with strangers whether they be professional day care providers, family members, or families where we allow play-dates or sleepovers. People we entrust with our child's wellbeing must cease being strangers--but how? The same way others become people we select for inclusion in our lives. We learn about them. They pass several of our tests,they lose their anonymity, we discover an acceptable degree of shared values.
De Becker emphasizes never send a child to daycare without fully confirming they have a license; and trust any intuitive signs that all is not well. Once you've confirmed licensing, the screening and evaluation of a facility is mostly an assessment of how employees are screened and evaluated. Don't accept "We're very strict in our hiring." Get the data (guidelines are offered). When you've selected a facility, document your wishes and expectations in a letter (samples are included). Communicate with other parents. Frequent visits will improve your relationship with the people there, and update and inform your intuition. De Becker favors employer-sponsored day care. Parents are nearby and can drop in
at any time. Usually the parents will know each other and can easily communicate. This brings a collective look at the quality of personnel and procedures. For the purposes of arming you to encourage your employer in this direction, the very real benefits of such a facility to employers are detailed.
Sexual Predators
Of all the serious harms that could come to your child, sexual abuse is the one that most needs your attention and your intuition. Nearly 90% of sexual abuse is committed by someone the child knows. Both sexual abuse and acts of violence result in demoralization, depression, and repression; loss of belief in the ability to protect self, and fear of people.
The most common age at which sexual abuse begins is three. Nearly 100% of sexual abuse is committed by heterosexual males. The US Dept Justice estimates that on average there is one child molester per square mile. The average child molester victimizes between 30 and 60 children before he is ever arrested. All of them have a process by which they gain access to and control of a child. "We'll call
it the predation process. Thankfully, there is also a protection process."