I count myself blessed for the officers in my career who have given me the chance to talk about what was on my mind. In turn I have always tried to be there for those around me who needed someone. After a few years on the street I had an opportunity to go to work full time as a police trainer at a college. I still work part time as a police officer and I still live with my fears.
One of the things that I promised I would do when I became a trainer was to tell my students about the fear and stress of the job and how to deal with it. I got the state P.O.S.T. Board to include an understanding of the effects of stress into the pre-service learning objectives. As a result I’ve done a lot of research in the area and found a lot of good resources. From reading and hearing Dr. Alexis Artwohl author of ¬Surviving Deadly Force Encounters I learned what fear would do to me, what I could do to deal with it and what I could do to reduce my fears.
From Lt. Col. Dave Grossman, author of On Killing and On Combat I learned about the Warrior Mindset, more about stress and how to handle it.
Dr. Bruce Siddles book, Sharpening the Warriors Edge explains how the brain and body react under stress, how it affects performance and how to improve that performance.
I had an opportunity to hear Dr. Kevin Gilmartin speak on Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement. After all my experiences and research I figured I had it all figured out but went to listen to him anyway. I was wrong. He gave me an understanding of what it was like for my wife to live with me through all this. When I got home that night I apologized to my wife for all I had put her through for all those years. With tears in my eyes I thanked her for staying with me in spite of it all. She just laughed and said that she stuck around because she understood what I had been going through having dealt with Emotionally Behaviorally Disturbed kids for 15 years. Oh, yeah and that she loved me. Some cops aren’t that lucky and we’ve been together for 20 years.
The title of the article is “The F-Word” and like the other f-word fear can be a dirty word. A word not used in certain company, a word thrown about lightly by those with the least knowledge of it. A word wrapped in mystery to be snickered at and made fun of by those who have little knowledge of it, a word spoken in whispers by the immature and uninitiated.
I can write about my tears because I learned from Bobby Smith, a trooper blinded by gunfire that, “Tears are a sign of strength, not weakness.” I can write about my fears because I was told by Lt. Col. Dave Grossman, “You’re only as sick as your secrets.”
I’ve had great teachers in my life some direct and some indirect. Some were great examples of what I wanted to be. Some were great examples of what I didn’t want to be. I’ve learned a lot. I learned that all cops are strong-some physically, some mentally, some morally, some ethically, most are a combination.
I’ve learned that the truly tough among us have an infinite capacity for tenderness. Most importantly, I learned that there are no fearless cops. To quote Eddie Rickenbacker, famed WWI flying ace, “Courage is doing what you are afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you are scared.” Sun Tzu said, “Courage and fear are the same, it is a matter of direction and momentum.”
So do me a favor. Never just tell a rookie they’ll, “get used to it.” Don’t be afraid to use the f-word. Tell them. Tell them it’s OK to be afraid. Tell them it’s their responsibility to harness that fear.
Tell them.